Dreams to take away my insanity (reposted from 360)

The last few months have put alot of stress on me because of work... I usually work well under pressure... but these days theres also alot of of people issues... someone read my birth numbers once and told me I think too much and work too hard and amongst other things, that people stress me out.. I found it odd that she said that because I have always thought of myself as a people person... whilst the main feature of my job is not people... at the end of the day I deal with alot of people... the stress I have been feeling over the last few months has been more people related than actual content related. Previously, it was always deadlines and actual work load... now its all that plus making people happy... which to be honest I do not have the time to do.. so its more of fighting the fires as they rage and not to have some time bomb ticking such that it explodes in my face. Alot of this is dealing with difficult and demanding clients, bosses that have little time to spare such that you need to handle everything and catch them for their 5 minute input and approval, staff that work for me that are either incompetent or belong to that whole different generation where hard work is just not enough for them, and self worth is worht a whole lot more even though they havent taken the time to think about what they really are worth... in the job aspect at least...

So all these stresses... took its toll on my health.. I'm not like really sick or anything like that but.. I have been falling ill with the haze going on here as some of you might have already heard... it comes and goes and i live with it for several days still at work.. taking half a days rest here and there a few times i had to take a off cos I was feeling bad, last week I took 2.... wether is psychosomatic or physilogical, my body was responding to that stress... the good thing I noticed is that I havent gotten any reflux which usually happens when im stressd, but I have also quit drinking of sorts. Yes I know I went out and got wasted last Saturday so sue me
This cyclical nature of my life always leaves me want of energy, depleted of life... I carry on in a sometimes methodical yet chaotic manner getting things done, like one of those shoot em up games, hitting one target at a time in a random fashion, but when you've played that scene before, you kinda know where the bad guys or monsters are till you come to a new scene.
When it all comes to a stand... I feel that I do all this for nothing, yes such is life and we all have our jobs and our stresses in life.. so why should I miss Pricess Kitty be any different, and thats why i carry on. But yet, when I take lifes remote control and pause it for a second, the realities of it is I have nothing.

I was in that zone last night, I knew that it was coming, I sense it last week... but i felt particularly bad last night... I can't say it was my worse cos God knows I've had much worse... but it was probably a 5.5 on the scale.

After talking to someone who sensed that I was feeling bad, I was going to go to bed.. and he wished me good dreams... pretty normal parting gestures... and said he would light a dream candle for me.. so i could dream. He said dreaming makes you feel better... well for me all of the dreams I can remember in the last few years were not dreams but nightmares.

I went to bed... and i dreamt... it wasnt a good dream at first.. in fact it was kinda scarey and theres was fighting and fear... I could send the fear... I wish I could remember it more.. but the fear wasnst as strong as in some of my other dreams.. my other dreams was a sense of helpless terror... this one had some sens of hope... and at the end of the dream like some horror flick... after all the death and fighting.. there was calm....not a sense of happiness or joy... but calm because the worse was over and we can now pick up the pieces and move on. I woke up and went wow I actually did dream...

Went to work today and had a weird sense of calm about me... the office was really queit too since its a holiday tomorrow and alot of people have taken the day off to take advantage of a long weekend... I went about clearing the approximately 100 emails I had in my mailbox.. most of them i had already seen on the BlackBerry... or was jsut an FYI for me so I could file them.. I took action on a few of them.. and decided to be methodical about how I wanted to approach my tasks today... killing off the to do list made up in my mind one step at a time... I knew that I had a shitload of things more to do... but it didnt worry me.. and I wasnt stressing... even when I found out I had to attend a meeting to day for somethign I had almost no clue about because the 2 other people weren't able to attend the meeting, I didnt panic... usually my heart would start racing. It went up a tiny half notch and taht was it.. but I decided to stay clam and try to prepare for the meeting.. it went well. Had a small crisis erupt at the end of the day but again...was calm and did what I could.. with only 1 bar raised on my heart palpitations.. LOL... So all in all I feel good.

I had to tell my friend that the candle worked!! Most might not want to beleive that bull but it might not be the candle itself but the energy that was sent my way... I had to thell him that I dreamt! And whats even more freaky... the candle holder cracked just about the time I woke up from my dream..

So thank you for sending your energy my way for helping me releave my demons from my soul... allowing me to dream and take the insanity away from my mind.